Jan 9, 2021
Look Back In Order to Move Forward
Dealing with disillusionment on the Camino de Santiago
Day 16 — San Juan Ortega — Burgos
After my conversation with Sema, I was determined to find the beauty in the next day’s walk, no matter how difficult. I took this day slowly, pausing at a stone bench to notice the sun rising over the meadows and the trees on top of the ridge where we walked.
In one of the most beautiful scenes of the morning, I turned around for a second look at two huge oaks standing next to one another by the path, silhouetted against the rising sun. This reminds me of another good piece of Camino advice: don’t forget to look back.
I tried to hold on to this memory as the heat became more intense throughout the day. It turned into one of those long, exhausting days that takes everything out of a person. Towards the end of the day, I started to feel that I was probably a lot sicker than I previously thought. I was walking with fellow pilgrims from Canada: Penny, Andrew, and Iain. Last time Penny did the Camino, she was on crutches, so she was determined to walk the entire stretch of city street into Burgos.
We health with her for awhile, but by 3pm, Andrew and I jumped on a bus in Villafría and Iain and Penny continued to walk. Temperatures continued to rise, to close to 106 degrees, and we later discovered that Penny and Iain had given up and took the bus, too.
By the time we all arrived in Burgos, the 150 bed municipal (public) hostel near the cathedral was already full! So, the four of us opted to stay at a place called Hostál Lar, which Penny and Andrew knew about from previous pilgrimages. The owner, Jose Luis, was friendly, kind and helpful.
After a nap, I once again pushed aside my better judgment and opted for a walking tour of Burgos that went on far too long for my tired feet and aching head. After a delicious dinner at a nearby cerveceria, I left the group early to get some sleep and try to ward off the illness I felt creeping up on me.
As I fell asleep, far from other pilgrims, alone in my room in the small hotel, I again indulged in my disappointment. While I was certain I was exactly where I had planned and dreamed to be, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was truly what I still wanted — and began to allow doubts of my ability to do this creep in again. In the exhaustion of the evening, it was far too easy to forget the beauty I had just seen that morning, and the grandeur of the city I would wake up to tomorrow.
Reflect
There is beauty, and joy, and grace around us all the time. And yet, when our immediate reality doesn’t meet our expectations, it is easy to feel like God is somehow holding out on us.
Think of something beautiful you saw or experienced this week. What can it teach you about God‘s love and faithfulness?
